Ezekiel 24:1-14

The Sign of the Cooking Pot

1On January 15,[a] during the ninth year of King Jehoiachin's captivity, this message came to me from the LORD: 2"Son of man, write down today's date, because on this very day the king of Babylon is beginning his attack against Jerusalem. 3Then show these rebels an illustration; give them a message from the Sovereign LORD. Put a pot of water on the fire to boil. 4Fill it with choice meat--the rump and the shoulder and all the most tender cuts. 5Use only the best sheep from the flock and heap fuel on the fire beneath the pot. Bring the pot to a boil, and cook the bones along with the meat.
6"Now this is what the Sovereign LORD says: Destruction is certain for Jerusalem, the city of murderers! She is a pot filled with corruption. So take the meat out chunk by chunk in whatever order it comes, 7for her wickedness is evident to all. She murders boldly, leaving blood on the rocks for all to see. She doesn't even try to cover it! 8So I will splash her blood on a rock as an open expression of my anger and vengeance against her.
9"This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Destruction is certain for Jerusalem, the city of murderers! I myself will pile up the fuel beneath her. 10Yes, heap on the wood! Let the fire roar to make the pot boil. Cook the meat well with many spices. Then empty the pot and burn the bones. 11Now set the empty pot on the coals to scorch away the filth and corruption. 12But it's hopeless; the corruption remains. So throw it into the fire! 13It is the filth and corruption of your lewdness and idolatry. And now, because I tried to cleanse you but you refused, you will remain filthy until my fury against you has been satisfied. 14I, the LORD, have spoken! The time has come and I won't hold back; I will not change my mind. You will be judged on the basis of all your wicked actions, says the Sovereign LORD."

Tonight the Lord brought me here, to this passage. I was not searching for it, it was part of my “read the Bible through in a year” plan. As I read this passage, I really did not understand exactly what the lesson was in it. So, I pulled out my other Bible, the one with footnotes and read. Without quoting it word for word, it says that God spoke to Ezekiel and told him that Jerusalem was like a pot so encrusted with sin that it would not come clean. So, this judgment was given to the exiles the very day Babylon attacked Jerusalem and eventually destroyed it. The lesson? God will uproot our sin! Sometimes He can do it gently and sometimes, like in this passage, He has to hit us hard. The notes further explain that God will use difficulties and troublesome circumstances to purify us. We can use these hard times to grow and get our priorities straight or we can drown in our sin.

As I read this passage and the footnotes, I examined my own walk this past year. This has been a HARD year! In so many ways I have felt like parts of my life are falling apart. Everything I have prayed for has gone the complete opposite direction that I had hoped it would go. So much of the things in my life that I have built up over the last 9 years have come crashing down around my feet. This was not a very slow process either, it came pretty fast. It seemed like when 1 thing went wrong 2 more things went wrong just a short time later. At that time all I could do was question God, “why is this happening? Where are you in all of this?”. Today, I sit here and relive that time when everything seemed to be crumbling around me and I can see that parts of my life were like a boiling pot. My specific sin was I had forsaken my first love, Jesus. I was serving everyone but Him. He has allowed all of this to happen in my life to pull me out of the pot and to help me see what I have done from an outside view. He was tired of me ignoring Him. Now it is my choice to reject what I have seen and slip back into the boiling pot OR accept what He has shown me, repent and learn from my mistakes. Strangely, the main plot from my favorite Disney movie “The Lion King” has just popped into my head. Okay, we will go with it. The scene that speaks out to me is when the baboon, Rafiki, hits Simba on the head with a stick and Simba screams out “ouch! That hurt!” Then Rafiki says “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” I know, I know…in the context of this scripture, quotes from “The Lion King”, just seem silly, but hey, if it speaks the truth, it speaks the truth!

IMPRINTING ON JESUS

I was reading a chapter in the book “Organic Church” by Neil Cole and he made this statement: “One big problem in the Church today is that believers are imprinting upon other believers rather than being imprinted on Jesus”. Being someone who majored in Wildlife Management in college AND has a deep love and fascination for animals, the word “imprint” caught my attention immediately and this statement really got me thinking, but before I continue I will define and describe what “imprinting” is to help clarify my views.

Imprint: Form of learning wherein a very young animal (most often found in birds) fixes its attention on the first object with which it has visual, auditory, or tactile experience and thereafter follows that object.

Imprinting in nature, often called “behavioral imprinting” acts as an instinct for survival in newly hatched birds. The offspring must immediately recognize its parent, because threatening events, such as the attack by a predator or by other adults could occur just after hatching. Thus, imprinting is very reliable to induce the formation of a strong social bond between offspring and parent, even if it is the wrong one.

In the bird world, if a chick hatches out of the egg and the first thing it sees is a dog, the chick thinks the dog is it’s mother and will follow the dog anywhere it goes. The chick will not recognize that it is NOT a dog. So, though this concept in relation to “believers imprinting on other believers” may be a bit extreme, I do feel it is has some truth to it.

As I examine my own walk with Christ from the time I asked Jesus into my heart at age 7 up to today, I can see definite signs of the MANY times I imprinted on people and NOT Jesus. I don’t think we do this intentionally, but we do it. We naturally look up to our spiritual leaders, whoever that may be for each person, and sometimes we even model our walk after their’s. I know I have done that! What this chapter showed me is that it is so easy to model ourselves or “imprint” ourselves on a certain person and NOT imprint ourselves on Jesus.

The world today really pushes “higher learning” and “being educated”, but has that possibly fed our insecurities about understanding the Word of God? At least on some level, do we feel that unless we have a commentary in hand at all times or have taken some class on the Bible that God cannot speak to us through His Word? Do we doubt that the Holy Spirit can reveal the meaning of the scripture we read? How many of us are insecure with where our walk is that we find ourselves imprinting on a human spiritual mentor instead of Jesus himself? While I pondered all of these questions for my own walk, the Lord showed me Acts 4:13 and it says “The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men who had no special training. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus". The part of this verse that stands out the most for me right now is the end “They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus”. Not men who had gone to seminary, not men who are known to be very familiar with a commentary, not men who have done every kind of Bible study there is, not men who preach amazing sermons, but men who had been WITH JESUS. Just as God designed baby birds to immediately imprint on their parents once they hatch for protection and guidance in life, so He designed us to imprint on Him and not on men. We should direct ourselves AND others to imprint on Jesus and Jesus only!

THE THREE MUSKETEERS

I have so much time on my hands these days. My body is still tuned into my old schedule; youth workers meeting on the first Monday of the month, Crossculture on Wednesday nights, help out in youth Sunday school, when is small groups kicking off?, are the kids back from DCLA yet? It has been so hard to unplug from the life I have lived the last 9 years. The one thing I have not unplugged from is connecting with the kids and other friends I have invested so much time into at FBC. I can’t and should not disconnect from that. I guess I am doing ok in this area. Humm, let me think….Lindsay hung out with me today. Just running errands and talking. Sorry Maddie, I know that was our regular outing activity…shopping and doing errands. Then we met up with Diane and had lunch. I saw Erica Hamilton at BJ’s today. That girl just makes me smile when I see her. I love her so much. I had to give her a huge hug and chat for a minute. I wrote Maddie an e-mail the other day and hope to call her on Saturday. I found Parker’s blog, so I am trying to keep up with her. Talked to Candace on Saturday, it made me miss the McDaniel’s more. I see all the Helton’s often. I saw Jason on Sunday, I miss that boy! I am getting to know Alex, Sammie, Hannah and their parents. I see Ashley, Kara, John and Denise at least once a week. I absolutely treasure that time with them. I dropped by the church office this afternoon and saw Shirley. Big hugs and chatting like old times, it was awesome! I saw Cheryl and Brian Wyatt at the Christian bookstore today. HUGE hug for Cheryl and confirmation to her of how much I love her….it was very good. Soaking up the coveted hugs I get from Brian. I just love that boy to death. I called Sandie yesterday and set up a dinner date for next week. It was SO great to just hear her voice and talk for a bit. I need to call Dominique; that is next on my list. Still need to touch base with Kendra, Andrea and Christina. I need to set a date for a “back to school” youth gathering at my house. It needs to happen next week. So, I am making progress. I am trying to put my time to good use. So, if I am making an effort to stay connected with the people I care about, why have I been so sad? Why I am down today?

I have been pondering this question all day, why am I sad? Then it hit me. Unplugging from the youth ministry has unplugged me from the two people I use to talk to the most. The two people I had phone conversations with several times a week. The two people I spent time with 2-3 times a week. The two people I prayed with and grew in my walk with. The two people I now see MAYBE once a week and I hardly ever talk to on the phone….(sigh)… I miss Joseph and Melanie! While I am striving to keep contact with the kids I worked with, reestablish relationships with those I needed to connect with again and build new friendships, I realized there has been something missing out of my daily life that had been a constant for so long. There was a time when I talked to Joseph on the phone multiple times during the week, sometimes multiple times a day (because those that know Joseph know you don’t ever just get ONE call from him). He would call for youth business, but we always had at least a quick personal chat about whatever was going on at the time. I had calls from Melanie to touch base on the agenda for puppet practice or something with Crossculture and then a few minutes of fun chatter about stupid stuff…it was stupid stuff, but it was OUR stupid stuff. How many times a week would I need to drop by the church to do something or pick something up? There was always a few. So often I would catch Melanie popping in for something and we would stand around and chat. So many times Joseph would stroll through the office and we would have small talk and we laughed A LOT! But now, those things that seemed so small and hardly noticed at the time are gone. We were like the three Musketeers! We fought battles together, we worked side by side; we were a team! I am not on that team anymore. Yes, it was my choice, but I can still miss it can’t I?

I am not complaining, I am just still adjusting. I am also not saying we are not friends anymore because that could not be farther from the truth; however, the often daily, or at the very least, every few days, I would have some form of contact with Joseph and Melanie. I never realized how much of my week was in close connection with them. Our ties through the youth ministry kept us in very close contact and now I am not apart of that. I miss the frequent phone calls, the quick chats as we pass in the halls at the church, working together in ministry, praying together, being in Bible study with Melanie; and the list goes on. Such a huge chunk of our relationship was wrapped up in ministry. Our friendships are still intact, but they are different now. Joseph doesn’t call me for advice anymore or to get my input on something. I am not the person he “verbally processes” with now. I am not the one he calls for help. A part of me misses that. I am not the one Melanie calls with ideas, questions or input on youth ministry issues. That is not my role in her life now. A part of me misses that role. Many times I want to call both of them, but I find my self putting the phone down because I don’t really have a REASON to call. I just want to hear their voice, but Joseph is at work, so I should not take up his work time with a personal call. Melanie is at work or getting ready for youth things, so I should not take up her valuable time to chit chat. We are not the Three Musketeers anymore, we are just regular friends. I am not sure I will ever get use to that. I miss you guys!

WEEDING OUT THE AARON IN ME

The gathering on Sunday at the "Cheyenne House" was something I have been anticipating since the second we all waved good-bye to the McDaniel’s and walked out of the airport. What would this first gathering feel like? What will we do? As we talked throughout the week everyone agreed it would be mainly fellowship and maybe some worship and prayer, but we had no agenda.

Sunday afternoon rolled around and as people arrived the fellowship commenced and it was good…real good. The laughing, the stories, the connecting is something I really needed. I was content with the fellowship. Then we decided to do some worship, so we all gathered in the worship room and we began to worship. The worship itself was great. I felt bad for Jacqui and Kara who had to carry those of us who are “vocally challenged” through each song, but it was nice and so familiar; comfortable. As the worship continued my mind began to wander and churn and I found myself uncomfortable with the “non-organization” of it all. Will we always “just wing it” in our gatherings each week? Will we ever have an agenda? Will we ever “call” for group prayer time or will we just be “led by the spirit” if He leads that way? All of these questions began flying through my head and as we ended the evening without prayer time or any “organized” dismissal or proclamation that we were done for the evening, I began to panic! On the drive home I was confused about how I could be so content spending time with these people I love so dearly, yet feel so unsettled and feeling as if I was a “fish-out-of-water”. As my mind churned, the Lord began to answer my questions. He began to reveal the Aaron in me.

Exodus 32 tells the story about when Moses was on the mountain getting the instructions from God while Aaron was left behind with the people of Israel. When Moses did not come back right away, everyone began getting nervous and pressured Aaron into making a golden calf for them to worship. Aaron bowed to the pressure and made the idol. Now, I must confess, every time I hear this story I think “what are they tripping out about? Moses is on the mountain with GOD! He will be back, it is all cool! If I had been there, I would not freak out like that”. Needless to say, I am currently in a little more of a position to understand where they were coming from! The Lord has been showing me that these people had just been taken away from the only life they had ever known and led into the desert. Though it had been a life of slavery, it was still the only life they had ever known. It was their “comfort zone”. They had to wait in the desert for a leader they were not sure was even coming back and so, they began to panic and drift back to the things they knew and were comfortable with. Old habits and ways die hard! This is what I am discovering in my own life right now. I read Exodus 32 and I can relate to how Israel felt, I can identify with Aaron and the pressure he felt. I have been in organized church my entire life. I have been an ACTIVE youth worker for 9 years. I was a youth worker who poured HOURS of my life into the development and running of programs. Church and youth ministry are deeply ingrained in me; I never realized just how deep they are. The Lord is showing me that church and youth ministry has been my golden calf!

I NEED to be organized! I REALLY LIKE having a “game plan”. I am NOT a “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants” type person. Organized church fit me like a glove because it has programs that need to be developed and run. I did that in the youth ministry and I liked it! Church has order and hierarchy. I like order, it keeps me calm, and it helps me to understand my role. Church is planned and laid out; all you need to do is find out where you fit. You are praised and encouraged for how hard you work and how much time and energy you sacrifice for the running of church. It is addictive for someone like me. So, this new life I have chosen; that God called me out of for a purpose that is unclear to me right now, is very hard. Weeding out the Aaron in me means I am trying to pull out the desire, the programmed need to “have a plan”, the programmed need to “know what is around the next corner”, the programmed need to approach my relationship with God by allotting specified amounts of time for worship, prayer and study of the Word, the programmed need to have an agenda when we gather on Sunday’s and the programmed need to know right now what “church” will look like for me and my family. These “programmed needs” have been fed, praised and encouraged for so long that it is clear now that God needs to “deprogram” me. Maybe that is why He is having me wait for direction right now. My desire to control everything needs to be broken down. Please pray for me that I will allow God to weed out the Aaron in me and teach me to wait PATIENTLY on Him for direction. It is amazing that even things that we TRULY do for God can so easily slip into sin. It was never my desire to make church an idol, but slowly; over time it can easily pop over the line. Sometimes we can be pulled back gently and sometimes God needs to yank us back hard. At least He cares enough to yank at all!

Moving Forward....

Moving forward....a new trail to explore.....leaving the comfortable and familiar behind. On Tuesday Steve and I finalized our decision to leave FBC. This was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. I have been a youth worker at FBC with Joseph for 9 years and now I am not; just like that, my time is done. I do have peace, but there is still a saddness there. It is clear that the Lord is moving me on to a new thing. Moving on to what you ask? I do not know...yet. I am still waiting to hear what direction He wants me to go, but I do know He said "it is time to go", so I am saddled up and ready for the ride. Will it be a leisure ride where I can give my horse his head, relax the rein and just enjoy the ride or will I need to collect the reins, push my heals to the ground and be ready for a more challenging ride? I am not sure, I am still riding through the trees and the trail is still hidden from complete view. The trail I have just finished was amazing. So full of great memories, fun times, miracles and plenty of growing times. A good trail....a trail worth taking....a well cut trail that is easy to see and was a great learning trail. The trail before me now is one less traveled and not as easily defined by many hooves traveling over it. Am I called to cut a new trail? Maybe. We will see what the trail looks like once I navigate through these trees ahead. I can see the sun poking through...I am close. The trail behind me was worth the ride, now I look ahead to a new trail....a new ride....the reins are yours Lord! I am mounted and ready to ride!

This is my new bog, a blog for my own ideas, for sharing with you where God is taking me. Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to sharing ideas and revelations, to hearing your comments and advice. I don't want or expect to go on this trail alone. So, let's ride!